Today's Special

Said It and Meant It

In my old journals are letters; one received from Mom in 1998. In one she wrote “We meant what that card says” and I wondered what that was.

To get through the years of journals (I’ve come from 1975 to 1998 since beginning this time-consuming endeavour), I’m daily reading the entry from one date only, each day. Otherwise it doesn’t happen. It’s like housecleaning: if I start even one small task, I’m likely to keep on going and because I don’t want to do that, I don’t start. But if I tell myself I’m only going to read (or do) the one and won’t be committed to any more, I’m more likely to do my own bidding (i.e. the routines/habits that I know are best for me). It’s the same with yoga (just the sun salutation, that’s all I have to do right now!) and the walks (just to the end of the driveway, that’s all I have to do right now!). I make these promises in order to motivate myself and they work, though once I’m in the doing, continuing is more appealing than quitting. Which is a good thing usually.

Feb. 03, 1998: Received birthday card from Mom and Dad. It says “You have always been a good daughter to us, and your love and friendship are a comfort to us.” (Paraphrased)
The sentiment is part of a store-bought card but still I got teary, which surprised me. Guess I’d like to hear them say that.

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Liz and Kathy

Me and Liz, my first friend and roommate in the girls’ dorm in Regina in Grade 10, Sept. 1975. You can almost see can’t you — look at that face — what a willful, arrogant daughter I must’ve been. Liz is wearing the fuzzy jacket she wore on the day we met, and we are at Aunt Jean’s in Saskatoon. How did we get there? Why? If only I still had the old journal — HA!

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Today's Special

Here Have a Treat

Enlarge the pic to see these pretty chocolates. Pretty damn good chocolates. Now that Karen’s have been delivered, I can show you how our box looked.

chocolates inside

Deluxe chocolates if you ever want to spoil yourself or your loved ones.  These are handmade in Calgary and shipped wherever you like by a husband and wife team, if I’ve got the story straight.

No time to relax and write but still alive out here in the 35-below, this morning. At least warm and dry so can’t complain. Supposed to warm up tomorrow. We’ll see. 

Today's Special

Lazy Last Day of Liberty

The first person I ever saw doing yoga was breathing deep and loud whilst standing naked in a small firelit room. I don’t recall whether it was sound of the breathing, or the nudity, that struck me most.

It wasn’t long after that I was a student of yoga myself and then a practitioner, quickly learning that it does so much good it’s foolish to let my daily routine slip. It happens anyway and is a shame; I owe myself decent maintenance and yoga is so pleasurable.

Yesterday morning it was the combination of yoga, a painkiller, and a warm soak that gave relief enough to encourage the tackling of muffins and a casserole in the afternoon.

I’d be almost completely back to normal today except for the neck thing slowing me down. I’m up and around now, and dressed, and soon to go out for fresh air and to feed the cats and birds, all the usual, but the day has been spent either dozing to let the prescription drug do its work, or reading The Brimstone Wedding. It’s been hard to put it down (thank god; an engrossing book is not common anymore) and I’ve done so because it was getting late and I knew I had to move or the entire day would be lost, so when I get in I’ll make myself do the dishes and think about supper.

Of course I phoned Pa in the morning. He’d already heard from all my siblings and several of his friends, and Joan and Gary are taking a birthday supper over to his place later this afternoon. Eighty-three is looking a helluva lot better than 82, spent in hospital, did.

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across the road

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Today's Special

The Idyll Soon Endeth

“Worry can either make us feel like we’re in control or at least make us feel like we’re doing something even if we are not in control. And that feels better than not doing anything.” CLICK HERE FOR ARTICLE

Who knew that worry is an attempt to feel we have some control? Fascinating. I’d never thought of that.

The snow is deep in the path leading to the barn, and I’ve been taking the food and water out lately so the guy with the frozen toes and man-cold won’t have to do it. Walking in that snow is more like stumbling — it’s hard work actually — so it occurs to me to wonder if that could be what threw my back out. But then why now and not all week?
-Signed,
Old Woman Still Talking About Her Aches and Pains

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christmas in the moodUpon receiving a $100 gift card, I determined to stock up on liquid luxuries for the season (and well beyond, Scott said). To get into the sparkly Christmas mood I played this CD but it didn’t give me the pleasure it always has. I blame it on the shitty speaker and will play it through a different one next time.

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Feb 12, 1998: Emil [age 9] said he wants to be grown up so he can do what he wants. I said I try to give him lots of choices and chances to make his own decisions, but that’s the best I can do right now.

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Today's Special

Back to Back Out

I began to get up from this chair and out of nowhere, Ow! What’d I do? My lower back spasmed (or something painful, call it what you will) and suddenly it’s making me pay attention to it. Move like an old crone? Yep. Getting out of bed this morning: Same. I ask myself if I lifted anything heavy or did anything out of the ordinary, although this has happened before when a reason could never be pinpointed.

I did do something unusual yesterday though. I wanted into the Quonset to get a few things from the deep freeze, and the sliding door wouldn’t budge. Scott has the walk-in door blocked from the inside so it won’t blow open, and I had to break up hard snow and dig out the slider. Bet that’s what did it, though it didn’t seem there was any strain on my back at the time. I was more worried about having a heart attack out there in the 30-belows, as folk are known to do when they shovel snow.

quonset

Was it worth it? I could’ve waited for Scott to come home; he’d’ve had it done in a quarter of the time and with far less cursing, but he’s struggling with cold symptoms and already arriving chilled after doing chores. I needed zucchini for the quiche I planned to mix and refrigerate, ready to be popped into the oven when we returned after taking Emil to town.

Once out there, you bring in more things: overripe bananas to make muffins; a loaf of bread; chopped tomatoes; pumpkin seeds and peanuts for granola. One might think I’m about to embark upon a cooking spree. We’ll see. There may be little more than good intentions. Hell, it took me till yesterday to empty out the corner cupboard, wash everything that had been inside it, vacuum up the mouse turds on the bottom shelf, scrub it down, and find different places for everything I use often, in case another mouse turns up. I also vacuumed the oven drawer but have yet to disinfect it. All in good time, I say; all in good time. I’m on holiday here, after all.

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Dkzody: From what I can tell by listening to interviews with writers, they have a lot to say. Mind you, most of the talking is about their books and their own lives, but they’re usually doing it one-on-one so maybe that’s why they’re voluble. I might talk your ear off in that situation too. But I’ve never liked to be the centre of attention of a group of people. It must be my nature because even at around age three I was hiding behind a chair to oblige, but only if I could do it unseen, when asked to sing for the gathered family. Self-conscious from the get-go.

WiseWebWoman: I’ll remember that if ever I find myself up in front of an audience again– in 5 minutes they’ll forget what I said anyway. Not that the deterrent is anything I’d be saying. The physical sense of all those eyeballs trained on me is what is so uncomfortable. You know how you can feel it if even one person is looking at you from across a crowded room? For me it’s even more so when it’s a large number of people. It’s a strange sensation. Have you noticed it yourself?

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And hey, Happy New Year!

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