Today's Special

I Never Cared for You

AC: “Basically, Sue and I never fought, so it wasn’t anything to hide from the kids. We may ave arched our backs a few times, but we weren’t into hissing and spitting, never mind clawing.” I like your description! I wonder what happens when someone like me or your daughter gets into a relationship with someone who did witness parental conflicts and for whom such behaviour is the normal way to act with one’s family. Then we are shocked and don’t know how to cope effectively? Or it seems like the end of the world?

Our couch cushions are attached to the base, so there’s no place to attach a barrier. Also the dog’s only up there when one of us is, and he’s between us or beside Scott when I’m not there. You’d think we could grab him before he bolts, but he’s too fast or we aren’t paying close enough attention. He’s hitting the floor before you’ve realized he’s on the move. He’ll adjust; last night he seemed to be comfortable enough between Scott’s feet on a cushioned towel on the floor.

So right, Beverly. We chase knowledge and then assume we’ve improved ourselves, but that’s not the same as putting the knowledge into action in our everyday lives. It’s the practical application that gets us where we want to go, not the certificate on the wall. This is why I don’t often sign up anymore for classes and workshops to learn new methods of handling myself, when I could be practising what I already know how to do, what already works for me — when and if I do it. Now if I could find a class that showed me how to stick to my useful routines … then maybe … . Meanwhile, I’ve adopted the motto “Go deeper not wider.” It makes more sense to me than running around trying to learn everything there is to know, when I don’t consistently practise what I do know.

Another expression meaningful to me is “Less is More.” (Read Charlie Mingus’s memoir Beneath the Underdog if you want to learn something about being a great lover).

I came into Shepard’s words at a spot in the podcast where someone who’d been drinking too much was asking for advice on changing his habits but didn’t want to go to AA because of the Christian preachings that go with it. Shepard told him the point is you’re going out the door to meetings, supporting others with the same problem and they’re supporting you, and so on … in other words, you’re doing something different, not just thinking about doing things differently, and that is the seed for change to start happening.

WiseWebWoman, I do once in a while know how it feels to not feel like blogging. Usually it’s only that I don’t think anything I have to blog about is worth saying. Actually I feel that way most days. Then I sit down anyway and something comes. I still think it may not be worth saying, but I’m addicted to writing apparently.

I have never liked to be the centre of attention of a group of people, so being on a stage or being a bride for a big traditional wedding … no thank you, not for me. Even being a bridesmaid was unpleasant, walking up the aisle and back with everyone looking, standing up there in front of a bunch of people. Family funerals suck the big one for me, too, when you as family and your grief are on display for all those who attend. For public singing and musical theatre it was only the rehearsals I loved; the actual performing was an ordeal I just took a deep breath and got through and always promised myself never to sign up for (like curling — it’s too cold out there and I don’t care what they say about how rinks aren’t so cold anymore) again. Some people really do seem to love it and more power to them I guess. Me, I just don’t “get it.”

I too knew a couple who’d been together at least 10 years and then got married and were split up soon after. Each to his own; it’s simply not a commitment that I’ve felt was needed. I did it once, thinking maybe? But no. I have to remind myself not to roll my eyes visibly at the necessity some people place on these traditions. Especially nowadays. Back in the day you apparently didn’t think twice about it; it’s what was done. I agree with you, big weddings are a bunch of hoopla and too much money spent — on what? A party where you are the centre of attention? It’s not something I understand wanting. It’s a more pleasant reason to get a big family and lots of friends together than a funeral is. That must be it. I’ve always thought it might be nice to wear a super-fancy dress you looked fabulous in, but that’s as far as I got.

All those readers who’ve had big traditional weddings must be hating me right now. Those who haven’t done it yet may not be inviting me if they do. Not that I spout my opinions at the do, mind you. I’m glad to see the bride and groom enjoying themselves. That’s what matters. And then I cross my fingers for them that the years to come won’t be too disappointing, because it’s really hard to be stuck in a relationship that is disappointing and doesn’t improve no matter how hard you try and you don’t think it’s okay to find or give love elsewhere because that might mean you’ve failed or you’re a selfish person who isn’t willing to stick it out and you’d rather be miserable than have anyone judging you that way.


Looking Back
80 Years Ago
Kelvington Radio
November 28, 1941

The toboggan slide erected on the
sports grounds is the scene of a grand
time by the kiddies. An electric light
properly placed on the post at the
corner would help to avoid accidents
at night.
Wadena News



2 thoughts on “I Never Cared for You

  1. We had a modest church wedding — nice but nowhere near ostentatious. The daughters had even more modest outdoor weddings, but all three — our and their two — were quite lovely. There’s too much emphasis on weddings and too little on marriages.


  2. We’ve been married almost 47 years. As a matter of fact, Terry proposed the day after Thanksgiving 47 years ago. Tiny wedding in the church chapel, probably 25 people including the minister and organist. No reception (I HATE wedding receptions and seldom attend them) and a 3-day honeymoon because we both had jobs to get back to. As I wrote earlier, a wedding does not a marriage make.


Speak to me, dahlink.

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