Upon waking each morning, my first thought is an anxious one: “What do I have to do today?”
My second thought is, “What day is it?”
When the answer is “I have to go to work,” my heart sinks a bit. I like my jobs and those I work with, and it probably does me good to get out of the house, and I need the money, but this is still how I feel.
When the answer is “A day off,” there is an immediate sense of relief and even joy. I can relax.
Because NO PRESSURE.
No HURRY UP, GET READY.
I get up at least three hours before having to leave for the office, and still feel hurried when it’s time to go out the door.
Probably most people feel this way.
Unable to stay indoors for fear of half-blind hunters, I went for a walk yesterday and listened to THIS PODCAST. It’s a new show to me, but popped up while I was searching for something to keep my mind occupied out there. The host talks with Esther Perel, who never disappoints. Even when she is talking to her clients who are in a situation I’ve never experienced, I learn things that improve my own understanding, things that enlighten me about myself and others.
Swissie: It sounds like you’re cynical about marriage for good reason. I’ve never faced physical abuse, or even seen it close up — knock on wood — at least not more than a whisper of it. There are a lot of reasons to be cynical and they all matter. Glad you’re free of the gardener.
Sorry, Pamela. Spouses are missed when they die, whether or not partnerships are ideal. I remember when I got the news that Mom had terminal cancer, how suddenly any dissatisfactions I had no longer mattered. They were quickly put into perspective.
AC: If you and Sue never allowed your children to see you angry with each other, then her expectations of marriage may have been unrealistic. My parents adhered to the “don’t fight in front of the kids” rule; it wasn’t till after Mom died that Dad told me they’d had their problems, same as most couples. My approach with my kids was to let them see that there can be a knock-down, drag-out fight and it doesn’t mean the world explodes; it’s normal, it happens, and parents can and do still love each other afterward. I don’t know if it was the right or best way to parent; sometimes I’m afraid it isn’t. I did, however, have unrealistic expectations of how people should treat each other — and maybe still do.
Dkzody: “A wedding does not a marriage make.” Truer words were never spoken.
No sooner did I bitch about the state of my fingernails than they smartened up and did what they were supposed to. Perhaps I put the fear of the lord into them.